How Do We Build Positive Self-Esteem ?

                                         # How Do We Build Positive Self-Esteem #

If you want to build positive self-esteem quickly, one of the fastest ways is to do something for others who cannot repay you in cash or kind.

A few years ago l started volunteering my time to teach attitude and self-esteem programs to jail inmates. In just a few weeks, I learned more than l had learned in years .

After attending my program for two weeks ;one of the inmates stopped me and said, "Shiv, l want to talk to you. I'm going to be released from prison in a couple of weeks." l asked him what he learned through the attitude development program. He thought for a while and then said that he felt good about himself. l said, "Good doesn't tell me anything. Tell me specifically what behavior has changed?" l believe that learning has not taken place unless behavior changes. He told me he read his  Bible every day since l started the program. l then asked him what reading the Bible  did to him. He replied that he felt comfortable with himself and others which he hadn't felt before. l said, "That is nice, but the bottom line is, what are you going to do when you leave jail?" He told me he was going to try to be a contributing member of society. Then l asked him the same question again and he gave me the same answer. For the third time l asked him the same question What are you going to do when you leave jail?" Obviously, l was looking for a different answer. At this point, in an angry tone, he said, l am going to be a contributing member of society." l pointed out to him that there was a world of difference in what he said then and what he said now. Earlier he had said, l am going to try to be" and now he said "I am going to be." The difference is the word "try." He got rid of the word trying and that made sense. Either we do it or we don't. The word "trying" keeps the door open for him to come back to jail.  Another inmate, who was listening in on our conversation, asked, "Shiv, what do you get paid to do all this?" l told him that the feeling that l just experienced was worth more than all the money in the world. He then asked, "Why do you come here?" l said, l come here for my own selfish reason, and my selfish reason is that l want to make this world a better place to live." This kind of selfishness is healthy. In a nutshell, what you put into the system, you always get back, and most times more than you can ever put in. But you don't put it in with the desire to get something  back.

Another inmate said, "What anybody does is their business. When people take drugs, it is none of your business. Why don't you leave them alone?" l replied, "My friend, even though l disapprove, l will compromise and accept what you are saying that it is none of my business. If you can guarantee that when someone takes drugs, and when they get behind the wheel of a car and have an accident, the only thing they will ever hit is a tree, l will compromise. But if you cannot guarantee that when they take drugs and have an accident, then you or your kids or l or my kids could be dead under the wheels, you better believe it is my business. l have to get this person off the road."

This one phrase, "It is my life, I will do what I want," has done more damage than good. People choose to ignore the spirit and derive the meaning that is convenient to them. Such people have tied this phrase to selfishness and I'm sure that was not the intent.

These people forget that we don't live in isolation. What you do affects me and what I do affects you. We are connected. We have to realise that we are sharing this planet and we must learn to behave responsibly.

There are two kinds of people in this world--takers and givers. Takers eat well and givers sleep well. Givers have high self-esteem, a positive attitude, and they serve society. By serving society, I do not mean a run-of-the-mill pseudo leader-turned- politician who serves himself by pretending to serve others.
As human beings, we all have the need to receive and take. But a healthy personality with high self-esteem is one that not only has its need to take but also to give.

A man was washing his new car when his neighbour asked him, "When did you get the car?" He replied "My brother gave it to me." The neighbour's response was, "I  wish l had a car like that." The man replied, "You should wish to have a brother like that." The neighbour's wife was listening to the conversation and she interrupted, "I wish I was a brother like that." What a way to go.

 * Stay Away from Negative Influences *

Today's teenagers learn from adult behaviour and the media. They face peer  pressure. Peer pressure is not just limited to teenagers, it is also prevalent in adults.
It shows a lack of self-esteem when people do not have the courage to say "No, thank you," and stay away from negative influences: What are the negative influences?

1. Negative People.

An eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken. The egg hatched and the  little eagle grew up thinking it was a prairie chicken. The eagle did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It clucked and cackled. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chickens did. One day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sky. He asked the prairie chickens: "What is that beautiful bird?" The chickens replied, "That is an eagle. He is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly like him because you are just a prairie chicken." So the eagle never gave it a second thought, believing that to be the truth. He lived the life of and died a prairie chicken, depriving himself of his heritage because of his lack of vision. What a waste! He was born to win, but was conditioned to lose.
The same thing is true of most people. The unfortunate part of life is as Oliver  Wendell Holmes said, "Most people go to their graves, with music still in them." We don't achieve excellence because of our own lack of vision.
If you want to soar like an eagle, you have to learn the ways of an eagle. If you associate with achievers, you will become one. If you associate with thinkers, you will become one. If you associate with givers, you will become one. If you associate with complainers, you will become one. 

Whenever people succeed in life, petty people will take cracks at them and try to pull them down. When you refuse to fight petty people, you win. In martial arts, they teach that when someone takes a crack at you, instead of blocking you should step away. Why? Even to block you require energy. Why not use it more productively?
Similarly, in order to fight petty people, you have to come down to their level. This is what they want, because now you are one of them. Don't let negative people drag you down.
Remember, a person's character is not only judged by the company he or she keeps but also by the company he or she avoids.

2. Smoking, Drugs and Alcohol 

  One reason that I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.
                                                                                                                             :---Lady Astor